Mothers in a pandemic

We are renowned multi-taskers, praised for our quiet ability to ‘get on with it’, with proven track records in ball juggling, plate spinning, carrying mental loads and lucky enough to be able to ‘have it all’ by working and mothering (again, only if lucky). We are superwomen (though this certainly only perpetuates the myth), we are doers, copers, carers, single parents, single-women-trying-to-be-a-parent, wives, partners, childless-not-by-choice, hoping-to-mother, mothering and fulfilling many other facets of our identities. The lockdown has hit women. HARD.

We hear from the World Health Organisation(1). that the pandemic has disproportionally affected women as they continue to be more vulnerable to socio-economic disparities through gender inequality, domestic violence and economic uncertainty. But as it’s Maternal Mental Health week I want to focus particularly on mothers.

Firstly, the mothers-in-anticipation.  Those who have been in the midst of a fertility journey that may have been abruptly halted. The lingering and the uncertainty have been excruciating. Drugs and diets have been painstakingly adhered to. Planned egg collections halted. Longed-for embryo transfers ceased or with partners waiting – at the moment of clinic-assisted conceptions – in a grey car park somewhere.  

Secondly, the grieving mothers. Those who have miscarried. Mothers who have had stillborn babies or who have had babies that were only too briefly in this world. Grief in lockdown has been a different kind of grief. More than ever a private, lonely and empty affair. 

Next, those who have become mothers during the lockdown. Quiet pregnancies, unseen friends and family. No rites of passage, baby showers, office send-offs or reassuring hugs from experienced to new mothers. The quiet terror of keeping a baby safe in an invisible pandemic, the overwhelming foreboding of the possibility of labouring and giving birth alone. We know that for this reason, that there has been an increase in traumatic births during the pandemic(2). The reassuring smiles haven’t been from loved ones but from professionals, hidden beneath masks. Only kind eyes. A denial of old generations meeting the new, cuddling, taking in the joyous smell of a new-born. Only reflective, glossy screen, pixelated introductions. 

We know that during pregnancy and up to around 12 months after giving birth, 10-20% of women experience mental health difficulties(4). These can be mildly distressing or life threatening and often the problems come on quickly. For mothers besieged by traumatic deliveries, struggling with their mood and the newness of motherhood, this pandemic has been shattering. The symbolic and practical casualties are immeasurable. The immense loss of social and professional support and the absence of normal life have been devastating. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance(5), in their recent report notes that up to a whopping 61% of 5,000 new parents indicated that they had significant concerns about their mental health. Vitally, only 1/3 of these respondents were confident about where to find psychological support. The impact on the new generation remains to be seen. It’s clear that parental concern is understandably high.

I want to think about the working mothers. Weeks of separations and sacrifices within dedicated keyworker families. And the “un-essential” workers: Pregnant then screwed(3), a wondrous organisation that supports working mothers, provided vital data during the pandemic showing that 81% of mothers needed childcare to work and yet only 51% had access to a suitable solution. This left a huge number of women who took plate spinning and ball juggling to a whole new level, with an immeasurable impact on the family’s collective mental health. 

In this past year we have clapped on doorsteps, we have been grateful to new-fangled technology to connect us, but ultimately, a global virus has separated us. But I do acknowledge also that there may have been an opportunity, albeit an unwanted one. Despite the unwanted separations from relatives, newly formed families have really had the opportunity to just be together and establish themselves. If we think anthropologically across cultures, new mothers are expected to be in a bubble with their new additions often for 1 month, 40 days or 6 weeks. I wonder how many in our own communities have sighed with relief at the knowledge that they can bond with their new-borns uninterrupted, feed their babies without getting dressed, have their partners available at home instead of travelling to or for work. For some, lockdown has provided a welcome means to hold the intrusive outside world at bay for – in the greater scheme of things – just a little while. Of course, this is not to say that even the most welcoming of the imposed privacy would have refused the option of the odd visitor popping in. 

The other silver lining that I’ve occasionally observed has been around some of the school age children I see in my work. There has been a mutual discovery of the pleasure in time spent together as a result of parents who’ve paused in their travel-for-work, who no longer commute or have been furloughed. Families have had reason to re-assess the pace of their prior lives together. 

What is clear is that it has never been more imperative to acknowledge and, where needed, lend support to all mothers as we emerge from this pandemic. Wishing, expecting, struggling, coping, working, remembering – wherever they appear on this spectrum of parenting.

References:

 1.      WHO (2020b) Mental health and Covid-19 [Online]. Available at: https://www.euro.who. int/en/health-topics/health-emergencies/ coronavirus-covid-19/publications-andtechnical-guidance/noncommunicablediseases/mental-health-and-covid-19 (Accessed 3rd May 2021)

2.      Maternal Mental Health Alliance (2021) https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/CentreforMH_MaternalMHPandemic_FullReport.pdf (Accessed 3rd May 2021)

3.      Pregnant Then Screwed (2020). Childcare, Covid and Career: The true scale of the crisis facing working mums [Online] Available at: https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/the-covidcrisis-effect-on-working-mums/ (Accessed 3 May 2021)

4.      Khan, L. (2015) Falling through the gaps: perinatal mental health and general practice. London: Centre for Mental Health [Online] Available at: https://www. centreformentalhealth.org.uk/publications/ falling-through-gaps (Accessed 3rd May 2021)

5.      Maternal Mental Health Alliance (2021) https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/CentreforMH_MaternalMHPandemic_FullReport.pdf (Accessed 3rd May 2021)

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